I..

I want a ballon which doesn't pop
I'd like a cool cell phone ring
I want a dark light bulb
Pink looks good on men

I want a chair with 6 legs
I get nervous about little things
I space out in group conversations
Blue is ugly in my eyes

I can be self-centered
I would like to be an author of a non-written book
I can be stubborn, demanding and a nag
Yellow sky would be so pretty

I talk too much
I like tuna melts and chocolate chip cookies
I'd like a candle which doesn't end
Black is my friend

I smile very quickly
I think I have ugly fingers
I am not fond of my nose
White Night would be interesting

I am an aries
I am sensitive
I agree with others more than needed
Red light can be the green signal at times - for kicks

My cursive is not as good as my print
My nails are really weak
My mind wanders
Gray is not in my wordrobe.

Me, My thoughts and I.

Life_Mgmt_System

Can life be compared to a document management system? it is created clean, brand new and given to us by our creator, 'God' (if you believe god is our creator, if not, aliens, satans, witches..whoever).

We get put into this world-system, which is not only operated by our creator, but whoever has the right to influence our existence, ofcourse, by default, that right was given to them by the creator. Parents parenting us, siblings taking our things or bossing us around, friends being faithful or unfaithful, enemies doing their job to make our lives hell, etc.

There are different groups we interact with in our lives, again, different sets of friends, a group who only eats vegetarian food, a group who only likes to talk in english, a group who will only have intelligent conversations. A family group. As we grow up, we start seperating things and streamlining processes which effect us, this is where we start putting in our own security model.
Exactly at which point did the security model change from 'creator' being the owner, to us being the lead in the database of our own lives? Whenever it was, it's good to check in and out of the system at our will. we can block unwanted spam buddies who tick us off by installing our 'attitude-ware', or put some sort of authentication process for others to enter 'i'll do whatever you wish' code to get through you. If not, disable them, put them on ignore mode and see if they improve for reactivation, it not, delete all.

And now, you can be the importer of things into your life, be it clean, currupted, or used....it is your choice. Release!

Not My Day

I woke up smiling,
hoping for a day so dazzling.

I got to work, to find,
I am a little behind.

Too many un-needed meetings,
Which can be irritating.

Failure of a planned appointment,
Gave me a disappointment.

Scolding from a loved one,
Made me feel all alone.

Bitching behind my back,
is the last thing I ask.

At work forgot my purse,
to make things even worse.

The day was so gloomy,
only person I wanted to see...
was MY Mummy!

Sure enough,
her smile makes me tough.

"Please don't wake up yet, stay in bed", said chinmay. He was affraid that I will get up and start talking to him, therefore he won't be able to watch his WWII video. ha! I woke up, paid a visit to the bathroom which I scrubbed and cleaned with fresh spray yesterday. It smelled so nice and clean. The window above the sink was half open , welcomed itself and hang out with the candles and soaps. I opened the water faucet, spalshed my face with luke warm water. The sun had managed to make its way out of the clouds after two-three days.

I entered the kitchen and made two cups of coffee with easy on sugar. I read in a magazine yesterday that sugar can be the cause for bad skin. I had remembered to pick up a cinnamon rasin bagel from Albertsons for today. I spread the original creemecheese on my half cut bagel and sat at the coffee table, sipping on my coffee and biting on my warm creamy bagel. Mmmm!

I relaxed a little grabbed a book, then watched some t.v. and went to get ready to have lunch on state street with Chinmay's labmates. I wore Yellow, "eve holiday" skirt with a green top with little beads around the neck and a white 3/4 sleeved cardigan; my last year's bday outfit from Chinmay.

We reached the restaurant a bit early, so to kill some time, walked to the local court-house on Anapamu road. It was a beautiful quick tour, sorrounded by old ladies and gents, palm trees, water fountains, big doors and room full of leather benches, and an old squeaky elevator, which of course took us on top of the building, just to show the beautiful ocean, the palm trees lining the waterfront, houses on the mountains which looked like a painting, and the clear blue sky with birds flying so freely and happily.

While eating lunch, I realized that I was sitting with 4 other ph.d's who love bio-medical stuff and I know very little about the subject. While they talked about cells and conferences and PNAS magazine, I looked at the white wine bottle, extremely clean and clear water goblets full of water and ice cubes, the condensation, and the bright yellow lemon swimming inside it. Oh, yes I did participate in other topics like, vegetarian diet, weddings, Saint Patrick's Day, Vietnam War, San Francisco, Politics and the middleast. We had a great time.

We stopped at the library. I opened a new account for myself and checked out many books. Perhaps, I'll read some of them, perhaps not.

I paid a visit to a store on our way back home to pick up a mat for the bathroom. As I stood to wash my face this morning, I felt that the bathroom wanted a make-over. I picked a nice fresh seagreen soft mat, which ended up being too mushy and the door wouldn't close.

I had dinner with Nisheet and Harith. And now here I am, next to Chinmay, trying to summerize a fun Sunday, while he reads WWII stories. I am heading back to LA tomorrow. Back to the hectic life full of traffic, red lights, yellow lines, factories, companies, people, smoke, horns, running around, merging in and out of lanes, answering phone calls, going in and out of meetings, talking to people, smiling, wearing high heels, carrying fake smiles (rohit, i feel the same), checking emails constantly to make sure that everything is fine at work, solving issues, doing presentations..............................................................Working.

Happy Holi...

Last Day...

April 3, 1981 - Born in Kolhapur, Maharashatra, India.

July 1984 - First time I entered a School in Shivaji Peth.

1985 - 1994 - Laughed, cried, watched hindi/marathi movies, learned math, science and geography along with Shivaji Maharaj Stories. Along with all that, I learned to sing the national Anthem. Memorized, "India is my country, all indians are my brothers and sisters, I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage." Learned that 15th August, 1947 is the Independence day of India. Read textbooks on M. Gandhi, J. Nehru, LokManya Tilak, and more. During this time somehow, someone entered my heart and head and made me a Proud Indian.

April 1, 1994 - Got on a plane and flew to the United States of America (no it was not a april fools joke).

April 1, 1994 (U.S time) - Realized that I am no longer surrounded by the people who speak my language, look somewhat like me, eat the same food, dance like me, admire the same freedom fighters and actor/actresses, stand in line to get groceries at a local "dukaan". Eat Parley-G biscuits and buy fruits and vegetables in an open market or from a guy who screams outside your house, "Bhaajiwaaaala."

The airport was Huge, the car which came to pick us up was Huge, the roads were Huge, the light poles were Huge, the banana which was given to me because I was hungry was huge. It was a shock and a change for me -- a Huge one indeed.

April 15, 1994 - My first Day at an American School. Everyone looked the same to me. I didn't understand a word. I wanted to run away. I found myself sitting in an office with my mom, a white guy, a white lady and my cousin. I was admitted into Jackson Middle School as an 8th grader, who didn't look like the other kids in school. I dressed in poofy dresses which were made by Arihant, our family daarji in Kolhapur. Other kids looked at my long last name and asked many questions. The first day I took the bus home, I was scared out of my mind that I am not going to see my mom again. The bus driver was nice, she dropped me off on Bricker road. I walked to 8111 Bricker Road and saw mummy waiting for me ouside. I ran and hugged her. I never wanted to go back to school. I wanted to go back to Kolhapur. Be with Arachana, Swati, Rupali, Ashwini and Yogita.

1994 - 1995 - I wrote letters to my friends in Kolhapur. Wondered when I would visit India again. Watched hindi movies which were in my Aunt's house. Wondered what the kids in Kolhapur did for this diwali. The same year I joined the track team and became a top runner in Middle school.

1995 - 1996 - I entered 9th grade, Jackson High School. There were kids who drove their cars to school. I still took the Yellow Box (school bus) to school. I was part of the Varsity Track team. I was friends with all the popular kids in highschool. I took german lessons, and used dictionaries to understand German to English, and many times English to Marathi. I heard my name over the loudspeaker in the mornings for winning a track meet from the night before. Sometimes the librarian came and gave me 'today's newspaper' with my name highlighted in the sports section.

1996 - 1997 - Mummy got a letter from the school saying that it is important that she attends an event after school on a Tuesday night. Mummy, didi, dada and I got there a little late. We sat in the back of the auditorium. A teacher started talking about a 'student' to the whole audience. I poked mummy and said, "i think he is talking about me"... mummy told me to keep quiet and pay attention, and a moment later he said, "Can everyone please rise and welcome Pallavi to the stage!" The only thing my mom could do was cry. Photographs were taken, everyone clapped, I received a Presidents/Honors Award for the year. I still have the certificate which is signed by Bill Clinton.

1997 - 1999 - I fought with mummy to attend the prom, but failed. I fought with mummy to go to late night parties with my american friends, but failed. I fought with mummy to go watch a football game at 9 pm., but failed. I talked back, answered back, said things like, "everyone at school does this then why can't i?" I failed to understand where mummy was coming from. I managed to graduated highschool, got my drivers licence. Got my first job as a Perfume Sales Representative at a perfume shop. I was accepted at the University of Akron for the honors Mgmt/Int'l Business Program. I met many other indian kids in College. I started listening to Hindi songs again, liked Shahrukh khan, started dancing to indian songs again, participated in diwali shows, attended Indian Students Association meetings, and hung out with fellow indians in a area called "desi basti" on spicer Ave.

2000 - 2006 - Moved to Los Angeles from Ohio. Finished college. Found a new job. Met Chinmay. Got Married. Started a new life...

March 5, 2006 - Today is the last day I will be an Indian Citizen. The INS has called me into the El Monte office to take the citizenship exam to be an American Citizen. I made the decision to do this, but somewhere deep inside me an indian girl will always remain, who was born in kolhapur, who learned the jana gana mana without realizing when, who still can't sing the star spangled banner, who can't tell who the 5th american president was, who has never attended an american wedding or stepped inside a church. A soon to be american citizen who will perhaps remain indian... at heart.